09 April 2010

Anger. Angered. Angry.

Today was a bad day...
a really bad day.

"Passionate people have the hardest time with thinking that they failed." - R. W. Emerson

There are many things that I have learned from my parents, but one of the lessons that has helped me get to where I am today, is my passionate work ethic. I love to be challenged and to work hard at accomplishing goals. And, what is funny is that I do not work hard for the praise of others but I do so because I love the feeling of knowing that I have done an amazing job in my own heart and mind.

For the past four years, I have been working for an amazing non-profit agency. The agency works to empower at-risk youth to complete high school and then obtain their dreams of higher education in order to become self sustaining and efficient adults. I can honestly say that I have poured my soul into this organization; working very long hours, making personal sacrifices and feeling like I have aged 30 years. All of these "drawbacks" have been worth it because I love the mission and the students within the program.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have felt disillusioned...almost lost to why I have been working myself to the proverbial bone and allowing my health, happiness and relationships to fail all around me.

So, that brings me to today. I received an e-mail. A nasty e-mail that made me break down in terrible sobs and question A LOT. Now, to someone outside of the work world that I am in would have brushed the e-mail off and moved on but today the words that made up the message took me to my knees. I believe it has been a combination of seeing how much of myself that has been lost over the last couple of years, a feeling of failure based on the e-mail and being SO tired.

It is now time to step away...in what way, I am not certain but something needs to change. I refuse to be a casualty to work-a-holism and continue to age mentally and physically at an alarming rate.

"It is time to start being me now!"

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